Message to mums: Treat sons as well as daughters
Published on: Sunday, May 08, 2016
Kota Kinabalu: Mothers, no double-standard, please. Treat your sons as well as how you treat your daughters. Be a busybody too with your sons.That is a clear-cut message from Tan Sri Datuk (Dr) Rafiah Salim, who is the Women's Leadership Endowment Chair at the Tun Fatimah Hashim Women's Leadership Centre (TFHWLC), Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM).ADVERTISEMENT "Maybe fathers are not doing their bit with their sons…that's why they are not doing that well academically speaking, compared with the girls. Fathers should ask the question 'Why'? Fathers should know this – your son needs you. Your son needs a model of you."Don't just leave it to the mother. Mothers, we are equally at fault. A lot of mothers take care of their daughters better. If the boys want to go out, tak apa, dia lelaki (never mind, he is a male). But if the daughters want to go out, many questions are asked – nak pergi mana, nak buat apa, nak jumpa siapa (where are you going, what are you doing, who are you meeting?)ADVERTISEMENT "We look after our daughters so precious but our sons, do we pose those questions? So that's double standard. Mothers and Fathers, the boys need the same control, the same guidance, the same discipline, then they will do as well as the girls. So Fathers, don't think it is not your duty to look after the sons," she said when met in Sabah recently.
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On the constant call for a support system for working mothers (for example, flexi-hours), Rafiah, who is Malaysia's first woman Vice-Chancellor, advocates more persuasion for the men to support their wives."From my observation, younger Malaysian men are more supportive of their spouses. Even young Japanese men have started to look after their children much to the disgust of the old Japanese men."Younger women are reminded that they don't have to be a supermother – suffice to be just a good and loving mother."Some women feel they are the best cook – nobody else can cook for their children. Rubbish! In fact, some others can cook better than you. Likewise, some women think that only they can change 00000."Please choose what you must do. Pay attention to the brain development of the child – that you cannot delegate but some domestic chores like membasuh (washing), you don't have to do yourself. Get a short-cut, support and choose a good childcare centre."Be prepared to pay – that's the problem, tak sanggup bayar (not willing to pay). That is one of the errors and I notice this is particularly true in Malaya. The Malays won't pay. I don't know about Sabah with regard to payment. The Chinese will send their children to the best kindergarten and pay for it, so that we need to address," she says.Rafiah feels that a woman can work and be a tiptop employee and become an extremely good mother at the same time. "I am not saying I am a good mother but I brought up six children all doing very well, and am a grandma of 10, 11th is coming. We can do it, we are born to be multitasking."She draws attention to the fact that about 75pc of university students in Malaysia's public universities are female. "Why only 30pc boys? What happened to our boys? They are not stupid."Her other contention is that there is nothing to stop a woman from leading when the situation is right or when she is the better leader. "Even in the household, the practice of man as head of the household is cultural in nature and not religion-based."Stay up-to-date by following Daily Express’s Telegram channel.
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At this juncture, Rafiah questions why kewajipan suami (husband's obligation) is not given emphasis during nikah (solemnisation of Muslim marriage), other than kewajipan isteri (wife's obligation). "What about the kewajipan suami? So important, you don't abandon your wife. I feel sorry for the ibu tinggal (abandoned wife)."