What works best in raising children
Published on: Sunday, May 21, 2017
By Bartholomew Chong
PROVIDING for the daily needs and planning for their future are the two concerns of most parents raising children and ensuring their continuing generation will be best equipped to face challenges when they reach adulthood.Child psychological upbringing is a crucial part parents tend to overlook. If there is no necessity, then why is such a field currently available?
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Children too face psychological challenges in various ways and providing all their needs in their upbringing is just part of the criteria needed and parents today tend to be in the 'denial' state when it comes to this matter.For example, where obesity among children is concerned, many parents like the sight of a healthy and chubby infant as cute or adorable refusing to believe that obesity is creeping in and pose a future illness for the child.Many children are now overweight while psychological effect among youngsters play a more deadly role as it could not be seen with the naked eye and could present itself in stages. Safe to say such effect could only be classified in the region of unhealthy to chronic if nothing is done to address it. Some parents may have given their children all the necessities to be healthy, comfortable and educated but spend less than an hour everyday to sit with their children or simply listen and provide parental advice.
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In this respect, simple hugs and a few words of affection to them occasionally might prove more valuable than a proper future education fund. Research had shown that we are creature that is best engage through touch.In today's rat race, children are expected to achieve good result in their academic and providing other worldly materials which are deemed necessary to ensure they are able to face the challenges ahead.
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But the mental state of children is almost never being seriously considered despite the point that it could be achieved in some small ways.Small ways as in spending some time as a family unit, providing loving words and taking time off just to be there for the children. A student in the field of children psychology, Shireen Soon Shiuan, doing practical at the Harmoni Ria Preschool in Tawau, recently, provided the information on Authoritative, Neglectful, Permissive and Authoritarian parenting.Soon said how parents or guardians deal with children can have an impact."Authoritative parenting is being regarded as the most effective and beneficial parenting style for normal children as parents in this category have high expectations of their children through open communication," she said.She added that if parents can foster the ability to speak to their children without judgement or reprimand, the parents will have a better insight into the child's life.While Authoritative is good, the 21-year old Soon said Neglectful parenting is the most harmful due to the fact that children have no trust foundation with their parents."Beyond that, children who have negative or absent relationship with their parents will have a harder time forming relationship with other people, particularly children of their age," she said.Permissive is another harmful style of parenting where parents are neither responsive nor demanding.Soon said such parents tend to be lenient and try to avoid confrontation thus the only benefit that comes from such method is the high level of nurturing and loving given to these children."However, the negative impact outweighs the benefits as rules set up, if any, are inconsistent and children grow up with little self-discipline and self-control," she added. Soon cited that this method might be a child's favourite parenting style as it provides a sense of freedom without consequences.However, she said children crave a sense of security to make them feel safe, which is crucial for their development."A study published in the Scientific Journal on Early Adolescence said teens with permissive parents are three times more likely to engage in heavy underage alcohol consumption," Soon said.Soon also said permissive parenting can lead to insecurity in children from lack of boundaries, poor social skills such as lack of discipline, self-centeredness, poor academic success from lack of motivation and clashing with authority.The final category in parenting is the Authoritarian parenting which is generally known as strict parenting which characterised them as demanding but not responsive and allow for little open dialogue between parent and child."This type of parenting expect children to follow a strict set of rules and expectation and would usually rely on punishment to demand for obedience."While such structure is necessary for healthy child development, all good things can be overdone thus it is important to balance out the provided structure with open communication so the child knows exactly why it is important for them to follow rules," she explained.She said such children are prone to having low self-esteem, fearful and shy, associating obedience with love and having difficulty in social situations and possibly misbehaving when outside of parental care.Touching on children's behaviour, Soon said a child would react differently to their environment based on their age with age four child tend to be physically active and curious of the world around them and enjoying a good times playing with friends."At this age, they tend to pose questions based on why and how, interested in numbers and having the creativity in drawing and tend to emulate their older siblings," she cited.She said this is the year where these children would explore, test limits, learn things their own way and parents can complement them in various ways such as labelling objects for them to learn and conduct explanation on things that happens as a learning tool.As for five-year-olds, Soon said they would have good motor control with high activity level and playing with direction, a great interest in writing name, drawing pictures, making projects and reading, more interested in doing group activities, sharing things and feelings but has the tendency to have a few quite moment to themselves and eager to go to school."They need the chance to have plenty of active play, attempt to do things by themselves, love having choices in learning new things and most of all they need the love and assurance that they are important," she added.Soon said at this age, they require time, patience, understanding and genuine attention while socialising.Children between the six- and eight-year-old bracket would be busy with homework and school drama. They begin to think and plan ahead, having thousands of questions and like adult, having their own good and bad days to content with.For educators, Soon said they need to ensure that they are equipped to deal with children of respective ages by looking into infrastructures available, the capabilities of staff to deal with the needs of these children.She said her practical at the pre-school under Chin Fui Bin care have shown that the institution is equipped for such task.Soon's study which involves not only children but parents and education system said pre-school for children aged 4 to 6 play a crucial role this age group is beginning to open their mind to learning, gain mastery over their motor skills and have the necessary teaching methods and educational reading materials.Among the methods complimented by Soon are the systematic cognitive and recognition method of play-and-learn suited for children of tender age.Chin, the principal of the institution, said her method of educating comes from over 40-year experience and Soon's observation on her teaching method has proven to be correct as she is backed by five other teachers and two helpers in providing for the 60 children."We follow the requirement by the education department in providing learning materials based on their respective age which some are hard for them to comprehend but we are trying to make it as easy as possible for them to absorb because at the end of the day it is what they have learned that is important and not what have been taught to them."She also urged parents or guardians to have good co-operation with teachers where they are sending their children as inputs from them on the weaknesses and strength of their children can assist teachers in formulating a better teaching method."Both parent and teachers should have a good co-operation to help children not only in education but on other aspects as well because we as teachers could only do so much to a certain point."She said guardians should know what happens to their children's performance while at school and to discuss on ways to improve teaching method should their children face difficulties."Here we emphasise on children's mind growth by teaching them to think for solution rather than teaching them to remember what has been learned and this lead to the need for us to be patience and loving because such learning method require both," Chin added.Apart from general subjects taught in preparation for these children when they enter school in later stage, the institution also taught language in Malay, Chinese and English.At the same time, she suggested parents sending their children to school to keep up with the school's schedule. 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