How to see the good in others and stop talking ill
Published on: Sunday, May 12, 2024
By: Dr T Selva
IN today’s environment, many individuals talk negatively about others, often unaware of the harm such conversations or thoughts inflict upon themselves and their targets.
Spirituality often describes people who talk ill about others as being disconnected from their higher selves or divine nature.
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It views such behaviour as manifesting ego-driven tendencies rooted in ignorance and lacking spiritual awareness and grounding.
In divine teachings, gossip and destructive talk are seen as obstacles to spiritual growth, perpetuating separation and discord instead of fostering unity and compassion.
Talking bad about others, especially friends and family members, can lead to several harmful consequences.
Recent events in the media have prompted me to write on this topic, as I’ve observed politicians and celebrities resorting to hostile rhetoric and hate speech in their quest for votes and popularity, along with individuals aligning themselves with such divisive language.
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Speaking destructively about someone, especially behind their back, can damage trust and intimacy in relationships.
It can create rifts and lead to feelings of betrayal or hurt.
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What happens if the person finds out?
Realising that a friend or family member has been speaking unhelpfully about them can erode the previously established trust.
Trust is crucial for healthy relationships; it can be challenging to repair once broken.
Damaging an individual’s reputation can harm not only the relationship between the speaker and the person being talked about but also the character of the person being spoken about. This can lead to social consequences and damage their personal or professional lives.
Every person should understand that engaging in unhealthy talk perpetuates a cycle of negativity.
It can create an atmosphere of toxicity within social circles, leading to stress and discomfort for everyone involved.
There are two primary reasons why individuals speak ill of others: insecurity and jealousy. When people feel insecure about themselves, they may resort to undesirable talk to temporarily boost their self-esteem.
By highlighting the flaws or weaknesses of others, they seek validation and a fleeting sense of superiority.
Similarly, jealousy can drive people to speak unenthusiastically about those they envy or perceive as threats.
Train your mind to see the good in people.
Rather than confronting their feelings of inadequacy, they attempt to diminish others through gossip or criticism, hoping to level the playing field.
In both cases, the root lies in personal insecurities and unresolved emotions, which lead individuals to resort to harmful behaviour instead of addressing their internal struggles.
I would like to urge those who gossip to cultivate mindfulness, compassion, and self-reflection to overcome these adverse patterns and align with higher spiritual principles.
Become more aware of your thoughts and words. Notice when you’re about to say something negative about someone and pause to reconsider whether it’s necessary or kind.
Instead of focusing on others’ faults, make an effort to highlight their positive qualities.
Train your mind to see the good in people rather than dwelling on their shortcomings.
Shift your focus towards gratitude for the people in your life. Recognise and appreciate their positive attributes rather than dwelling on their flaws.
When confronting such situations, the most important thing is to set boundaries and decline to participate in gossip when others engage in it around you.
Politely redirect the conversation or excuse yourself from the situation if necessary.
Why? Giving attention to such people wastes time and can drain your energy and they do not uplift your life.
Award-winning writer Dr T. Selva is the author of the bestseller books Vasthu Sastra Guide and Secrets of Happy Living. To get a copy, WhatsApp 019-2728464. He can be reached at [email protected] or Facebook: Vasthu Sastra
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