Mum having Hiv finds out virus from hubby’s mistress
Published on: Sunday, December 15, 2019
By: Sherell Jeffrey
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Being diagnosed as HIV positive is a life-changing experience and it takes time for those who learn of it the first time to digest the reality and accept that their lives will never be the same again.
From how to break the news to your loved ones to making adjustments in your lifestyle. Not to mention the range of mixed emotions from shock to fear, feeling miserable, angry and confused.
This was exactly how Siti (not her real name) felt when she was told about it in 2008 by the doctor.
On her case, she was pregnant with her fourth child and recalled feeling terribly sick to only discover that she was HIV positive after paying the paediatrician a visit.
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“I was confused. I kept asking, ‘How did I get HIV’?”
When she broke the news to her husband, he held her hand and said he would never leave her no matter what. “His answer confused me more,” she said.
As days turned into weeks, she kept wondering how she could have contracted the disease. Her answer finally came by chance when she answered a call from a hospital inquiring about her case.
It was then that she found out that her husband’s infidelity resulted in her getting the virus because his mistress who gave birth at their hospital also had HIV.
“I couldn’t come to terms with this at first. I felt sick, I was angry. But slowly, I started to accept that HIV is going to be part of me for the rest of my life.
“I have learned to accept this as a test from God. Sometimes I still cry myself to sleep, but eventually life goes on,” said Siti who despite the circumstances leading to her disease, chose to remain with her husband.
The unemployed couple live on welfare and family assistance with four children aged between 11 and 20. All the children are HIV negative.
HIV cases are usually reported as notification rates instead of the number of cases, according to Sabah Health Department Public Health Specialist/Senior Assistant Principal Director, Dr Haseanti Hussein.
As of June 2019, the notification rates in Sabah according to the data provided by the Ministry of Health was 3.6 per cent (3.6 per 100,000 population of Sabah). This means nearly four out of every 100,000 in Sabah have HIV, which is not so alarming but still a problem. Especially in preventing its spread. According to observations made by the Sabah Aids Awareness Group Association (Saga), about 90 per cent of HIV cases in Sabah is contracted through sex.
Based on nationwide statistics provided by the Malaysian AIDS Council and the Malaysian AIDS Foundation, HIV notification rate dropped by 60 per cent in 2017 since its peak in 2002 – from 28.4 to 10.3 per 100,000 people.
The statistics showed that 11 per cent or 13,035 from 1986 till 2017 were are females, while males with HIV were recorded at 89 per cent or 102,228 over the same period.
Homosexuals/bisexuals contributed 51 per cent of the cases, while heterosexual 40 per cent.
In 2005, new HIV infections involving injecting drug users and sexual transmission comprised 4,038 (66 per cent) and 1,565 (26 per cent), respectively.
The figure dropped to 115 (five per cent) for injecting drug users in 2017, compared to sexual transmission which went up to 3,032 (91 per cent) that same year.
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In 2017, the infection rate among races recorded at 11.7 per 100,000 population for Malays, 10.7 for Chinese, 11.5 for Indians, 9.4 for Sabahan ethnics, 12.9 for Sarawakian ethnics, and 4.8 for foreigners.
A total of 115,263 HIV cases were reported across the country from 1986 to 2017, with 3,347 new HIV infections in 2017.
However, there is the possibility of under reporting as some are not keen on being screened or get treatment because they don’t want people to find out they have HIV.
“We are really looking forward for anybody who can help to reduce the stigma and discrimination towards those who face the risk of getting HIV,” said Dr Haseanti.
“Nobody wants HIV. Of course there are some who engage in risky behaviour but they are not the only ones. There are those who are left with no choice, for example wives or contacts. The children, they didn’t ask for that, but they got it,” she said.
She pointed out that most cases are not due to risky behaviour. “They are victims of the situation. Based on that we hope a lot more will come forward to do blood screening,” she said.
As for Siti, she has not disclosed she has HIV to her relatives except to her immediate family.
Another patient, Tipah (not her real name), also prefers to keep her disease discreet.
“I got myself a waitressing job at an entertainment outlet not long after my divorce,” she said.
A few months after working at the karaoke joint, she befriended a man who she dated for three years.
“Throughout those years together not once he told me he has HIV. He only said he used to patronise sex workers before we met,” she said.
“There was one time I followed him back to his hometown and his father asked if I regretted dating his son.
He only gestured with a shrug when I asked if there was any reason to regret dating his son.
“Nobody told me he had HIV. None of his family members did. Maybe they knew he was sick but didn’t tell me because having HIV is embarrassing,” said Tipah, who found out she, too, had HIV in 2008.
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“At that time I didn’t even know what HIV meant. I broke into tears when the doctor mentioned AIDS. I cried because I was scared, I couldn’t accept the fact that I had HIV,” she said.
She broke up with her boyfriend and, eventually, met a man who is now her husband.
“When I met him, I decided to be upfront about my disease and was initially expecting him to run away. To my surprise, he stayed and continued to love me,” said Tipah.
In turn, her new husband also contracted HIV and both are on medication.
“We continue to live normally just like everybody else. We make sure we don’t miss out on our medication,” she said.
They also have to take extra care of any open wounds to make sure their blood doesn’t spill.
On how she’s coping with the disease, she said she has learned to accept this as fate.
“We try to stay happy and try not to think too much of negative things. Negativity can also affect our health,” she said, adding not all her family members are aware she is HIV positive.
“My children and close family know about my condition,” said Tipah, who has three children from her previous marriage.
“My children continue loving me despite my past and for that I am grateful,” she said.