Never resort to ‘an eye for an eye’
Published on: Monday, July 27, 2020
By: Dr T Selva
Text Size:

HATRED is expressed or shown by some people daily due to the various pressures an individual goes through at work or home.

Some show it visibly while others try to hide it by holding such feelings in their heart and mind and in the process affecting their health and peace of mind.  

Life is made up of hurts and conflicts which arise every day and it is the unresolved issues and harbouring of grudges that affect us most.

Some carry the grudges for months and years not realising that it is hurting them more than the person.

When two parties are hurt by an incident, they may feel that retribution would be the best way to remedy their pain not knowing that it is going to cause more ache than ease.  

It is normal to react immediately to any uncomfortable situation and most people think that plotting to get even will help resolve their injury.

Being annoyed with a person for a certain period of time is nothing unusual but if the issue prolongs then it becomes unhealthy to the parties involved.  

If you analyse, people in such situations spend most of their energy and time scheming to get even with the person who caused them the pain.

And if you observe carefully, revenge harms us more than the person who did the unethical act on us. And there is no end to the bad act which clouds and disturb our wellbeing. How, you may ask?

If we continue to keep burning with anger and vengeance, we harm our thinking power, actions and sweetness of speech and this weakens our body, mind and spirit.  

Our energy gets drained when we become stressed and sensitive to the slightest thing that affects us.

Even at the physical level, animosity brings about an unpleasant look to an individual’s face no matter how hard the person tries to adopt a pleasant stance.  

Among the signs of a person harbouring hateful thoughts include loss of sleep, appetite, and feeling nervous and tensed.

It is best to seek an apology if we have offended someone because this will free our heart and mind.

Another way to handle such displeasures is to study the strengths and weaknesses of your opponent and make yourself strong in the areas that you have suffered hurt.  

You should understand that someone can only hurt you only if you are weak in a particular area.

I highly recommend observing silence and going within to tap your inner wisdom to calm and compose yourself to prevent you from reacting irrationally or taking revenge.  

Every one of us have the inner power and it lies deep inside us and we must recognise it in order to reach the higher intelligence level.

Normally this understanding can be felt during a state of deep prayer and meditation and when we shut our mind to all hurt and woes.

When our mind is completely still, we will be able to hear answers to all our questions and some regard this as the creator communicating with us.  

I was fortunate to study the art of happy living directly under the 14th Dalai Lama in Dharmsala, India, several times and gathered some precious insights into Lord Buddha’s teachings.

In Buddhist teachings it says that if you have a grudge towards any person, cultivate loving kindness towards that person. Thus, the bitterness towards that person will be removed.

Guide to remove your grudges

a) Communicate with the person in a calm and composed manner and do not blame. When you start talking you will be surprise that you have made a mistake and had a wrong perception on the individual.

b) Let go and move on because holding grudges does not benefit you at all. Free your mind and focus on things that matters to you most.

c) Remove your ego, improve your understanding of the situation and apologise because the act will free you from having a heavy heart.

d) Practice forgiveness because it will ease your nerves, reduce tension, remove stress improve sleep, diet and mental health.

e) Remember the good times you had with the person because such memories will help you to inspire you to reconcile and heal yourself and the person.  

*  Dr T. Selva is a speaker and author of the best-seller book Vasthu Sastra Guide. To get a copy contact 012-3299713. He can be contacted at Facebook: Vasthu Sastra and Website:



"Holding revenge isn’t going to undo the actions of the person who has wronged you, but it is going to hurt you"


Other News

Follow Us  

Follow us on            

Special Reports - Most Read

What the people say
December 20, 2014