'It will continue as long as teen marriages allowed'
Published on: Tuesday, May 05, 2015
Kota Kinabalu: Befrienders Kota Kinabalu is aghast and saddened to read about the abuse of a defenceless five-month-old baby by the 17-year-old mother.Chairperson Datin Sri Siti Rubiah Datuk Abdul Samad said Befrienders are appalled by cases of young adult or under age marriages such as this.She reiterated that young adults are usually not prepared to bear responsibility of a shared life between two persons as they are actually going through their growing-up process.
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"It is normal for young couples to want to enjoy an ideal life of fun without the day to day responsibility of looking after each other. Emotions are very shallow at this growing-up stage, and a person can be rather selfish and prioritise his or her own needs rather than think of the other person," she said.When a young immature couple are unwillingly forced to cope with a baby, then this aggravates their situation, Siti Rubiah added. "Add financial problems to their dire straits, and this will surely result in a pressure cooker life waiting to explode. Naturally in situations such as these, the young baby will fall victim to the aggrieved caregiver," she reasoned.In this respect, the Chairperson said the bitterness of being in that predicament may not only affect the couple's mental state but may also have adverse lasting effect on the mistreated victim.
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As long as child or teen marriages are allowed in the country, babies or young children will continue to be abused by their parents, said prominent social activist, Anne Keyworth popularly known as Mama Anne."This is a clear-cut case of a baby having to bear the brunt of her mother's anger, all because of an argument between the teenage couple as they were reportedly going through a divorce. How many more innocent children will end up being victimised by teenage parents who are not ready for parenthood as they themselves are 'children'?" she asked.
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Mama Anne said teenage parents can hardly cope with the stresses of family life as they are not fully developed, physically, mentally and emotionally speaking.At this juncture, she urged parents not to give their consent to child marriage, saying it would lead to early divorce as seen in many other cases too.She also advocated amendments to Syariah Law and the Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) Act 1976, which allow child brides."I am not being racist. I am just stating the facts. Under Syariah Law, the minimum age of marriage for a Muslim boy is 18 while a Muslim girl can marry as soon as she turns 16. However, there is an exception that allows both Muslim boys and girls below the minimum age to marry with the consent of the Syariah Court."And under the Law Reform Act 1976, which applies to non-Muslims, a child bride can marry if she gets the consent of the Chief Minister," she pointed out.The mother who vented her anger (towards her husband) on the helpless baby is only 17 years old, and she herself is a child, lawyer Mary Florence Gomez noted."She is not matured and does not realise the responsibility of caring for and bringing up a child. Her action reflects her unstable emotions and irrational thinking at that point of time. She and her 18-year-old husband may not have skills to have well-paid jobs enough to raise the child. They can't even look after themselves."Financial problems are in fact the main cause of divorce among young working couples these days. What more with teenagers such as this young couple. Indeed, they are going through a divorce."As a mother of two children, I know how immature they are, and they think they know everything but actually, they don't.," she pointed out.Gomez said teenagers at that age also think they can live on "love and air" alone, "so we as parents must guide them and support them, instead of forcing or letting them get married.""By right the couple in question should be furthering their studies, mixing around with friends, instead of being bogged down with the responsibility of looking after a child," she said, adding that the incident lent credence to the call for child marriages to be banned. "Let us be more open-minded and give the innocent child a better home, not an abusive home."Realising that most parents seem to make the decision for their children to get married, Gomez asserted that the parents should in fact ask and discuss with the children if they are ready to tie the knot and have children."If possible, parents should discourage any talk about marriage (in the event of teen pregnancy) and give their children the option of giving up the child for adoption or the parents themselves can adopt the child and raise him or her on their own."If the law is amended to ban all child marriages, then the parents will not have the option of getting the children married at a young age but will have to go for the other options."In fact, there are so many childless couples who are waiting in queue to adopt children, so these unplanned children can be placed with adopted parents who will care for them as their own," she said.Sabah Women Action-Resource Group (Sawo) said the incident highlights one of the sad and tragic consequences of early or child marriage, proving that teenagers are not ready to become parents.Its President Winnie Yee said teenagers will be unable to cope with their new roles without a huge amount of help and support from their families and the community."In cases where the immediate families do not have the means and resources, the young mothers are left to manage on their own and this can often lead to child abuse and neglect," she said.She hoped the incident will make parents think twice about using marriage to avoid shame or unplanned pregnancies among their teenaged children.Yee's contention is that encouraging teenagers to get married in such cases is to create further problems affecting the individuals and families concerned, and also on our society. "Instead, the teenagers need to be given the opportunity to continue their schooling or attend skills training courses so that they can make a living for themselves and their new dependents in the future."The President urged parents to ensure that their teenaged children are equipped with enough information and skills "to establish healthy relationships with the opposite gender, and in particular, understand the risks and possible consequences of engaging in sexual activities."She lamented : "There are still many parents who do not allow their teenagers to date or are unaware that the latter are sexually active, and hence fail to provide the much needed guidance."According to Yee, Sawo, other non-governmental organisations (NGOs) and relevant government agencies have been giving educational talks and running workshops for teenagers about dating, coupled with its risks and repercussions.Stay up-to-date by following Daily Express’s Telegram channel.
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